Hard to Love
by Cherry8914
Summary: Dean takes a moment to realize just how lucky he has to have Lisa in his life.


I don't own anything to do with Supernatural, that all belongs to the CW and Eric Kripke. I just love to play around with the characters. ^_^

_**Hard to Love**_

_I am insensitive I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things that__  
I need.__  
Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust, sometimes I dunno  
Why you're staying with me?_

_I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I__  
Stood where you stood__  
I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve__  
It but I love that you love me. goood_

Dean wasn't a stupid man. Sure he had his moments, but he was smart, he knew how things were, he knew how lucky he was. He was a hunter. Most hunters were loners, some by choice…but honestly it was because either having a partner slowed you down or you lost them to the job. But he had Sam, Bobby and Castiel. That was highly unusual. He knew he could count on them to have his back. With Castiel it was a little iffy after everything they had gone through within the last year, but Bobby and Sam? There wasn't a doubt in his mind, especially with Sammy, his little brother. They had been there for each other since the beginning, always had each other's backs, always found a way to help. Sure they too had had their ups and downs, but he loved the man.

Another thing he knew he was lucky for? Lisa and the kids. Maybe Ben wasn't his (some days he still wondered, because the kid? Man did he remind him a lot of himself. But he trusted Lisa and if she said Ben wasn't his? Then Ben wasn't his) but he loved the kid like his own. Then there was Lizzie. Mary Elizabeth Braeden Winchester. A mouthful of a name, named after his mother. They hadn't planned on her and he was still terrified something would happen, but that little girl had wormed her way into his heart the moment he'd laid eyes on her in that hospital room.

Having a family was even more unusual for a hunter. They were usually found and killed, revenge against the hunter. Lisa and Ben had been kidnapped, Lisa had almost died…but still she stayed. She didn't blame him. Didn't hold it against him. Simply shrugged, said sure it had been scary but she knew what she was in for. And damn did she put up with a lot from him. He only managed to come home once a month for a couple of days, if that. He didn't call as much as he wished he could, too wrapped up in cases, spent too many nights in bars shooting back whiskey to forget half the shit in his life.

But still she stayed.

He knew that he was hard to love. It was a lie to say otherwise. How many people could stay with someone like him? Not knowing when he'd be home? Not knowing if there would be a phone call asking to come to the burning of the body? Not knowing if someone was going to be knocking down the door and taking you as random against him. It wasn't an ideal situation at all. And he knew he was beyond lucky that she stayed, that she waited for him, the porch light on every night, random texts that he couldn't reply to half of the time, updates on the kids, pictures of everyone. She tried to keep him involved even when he couldn't be there.

She loved him good and he loved that, craved everything she could and would give him.

_I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball crashing into your heart like I do__  
You're like a Sunday morning full of grace and full of Jesus I wish that I__  
Could be more like you._

_I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I__  
Stood where you stood,__  
I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve__  
It but I love that you love me. Goood__  
Love me good_

A new thing? Being in a committed relationship? Talking. He was a man of action, not a man of words. That was Sam's area. But with Lisa, they had to communicate, had to talk things out. And that wasn't always a good thing. See, they both had tempers, Dean's worse than Lisa's. They pushed each other, it was something Dean loved, they didn't give in and back down, they always ended up saying what was on their minds. Dean usually snapped before Lisa, she was calmer and more patient, something that came with being a mother he was sure. But still, they could only go so far before she snapped as well. Even with their fights, she never let him get off the phone without saying they loved each other.

You never knew when it would be the last words you ever heard.

He was hard to love, he didn't know how she did it. He couldn't do, there was no way he could love someone like him. Knowing all he knew, knowing all that could happen…but she stayed and she loved him, everything about him, even his flaws._  
_  
_Girl you've given me a million second chances and I don't ever wanna take  
You for granted, I'm just a man, I'm just a man___

Hard to love, hard to love, oh I don't make it easy and I couldn't do it if_  
I stood where you stood.__  
I'm hard to love, hard to love and you say that you need me, I don't__  
Deserve it but I love that you love me. good. (x2)___

You love me good.

A million second chances. That was how many Lisa had given him. Maybe even more. He missed milestones in Lizzie's life. Missed her first real smile, missed her lifting her head up on her own, missed her first Easter, missed so many things. He missed a lot of Ben's games, missed big science projects, missed his first date, missed his first day of sophomore year of High School. But still Lisa just smiled and said she understood…he could see the pain in her eyes every single time, but she continued forward, said there was always next time. He never wanted to take her for granted. He was lucky, he was just a man but she always looked at him like he hung the moon and the stars. She held him close when the nightmares woke him up, she kissed him to ground him.

Even when he was so hard to love, she stayed and made it seem easy. He knew it wasn't easy, it wasn't easy at all. He knew it weighted down on her, knowing he could possibly never make it home, knowing he could possibly leave her alone to raise their kids. He would have broke months ago, would have left without a word if he had been in her shoes.

He was hard to love, but she said she needed him and he loved that she loved him good.


End file.
